Say Anything (1989) and Female Expectations of Men by Campbell Montgomery

Campbell Montgomery 
Professor Sinowitz 
ENG255
13 April 2020

Say Anything and Female Expectations of Men

Ever since I was a young girl, I have dreamed of the big romantic gestures that I would one day receive from my significant other who just could not contain his love for me. He would throw rocks at my window, plan an elaborate date, sprint miles in the rain to see me, show up unexpectedly to my house with flowers, or even hold a boombox up outside of my window. Romantic gestures are a common theme in many romantic comedies. The male love interest always takes part in a large gesture to express their love for the woman in their life. As an audience, we have begun to expect a grand gesture at some point in the movie. This expectation has transferred to real life, leaving women everywhere (myself included) to expect a romantic gesture from their significant other. Romantic Comedies have shown us time and time again that if a man wants to express his love, he will. Say Anything’s (1989) Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack), got it right. He went out of his way to express his love for Diane Court (Ione Skye). This type of love is one almost exclusively depicted in the movies. Cameron Crowe’s Say Anything is the perfect example of the relentless and effortless love that male characters are depicted to have for their female counterparts in almost all romantic comedies. Say Anything, and films similar to it, implant the idea of a “perfect” relationship into society, and thus set unrealistic relationship expectations for those viewing the films. 

In Tamar Jeffers McDonald’s Romantic Comedy: Boy Meets Girl Meets Genre, she describes the pattern of plotlines in the majority of romantic comedies. McDonald writes, “... a basic problem with the Hollywood romantic comedy: it employs so formulaic a storyline, is so over-familiar a product, that it is so easy to take for granted.” (McDonald, 2). As a long time viewer of romantic comedies, I can attest to the repetitive nature of the genre. Almost all of the romantic comedies that I have seen in the course of my life follow the same basic narrative: boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy proves love to girl and gets girl back. This pattern repeatedly enforces how an ideal relationship should look and helps to develop our perceptions of love from an early age. Due to this, I truly believed that real love had to be proven through grand romantic gestures. 

Say Anything has arguably the most iconic grand gesture in cinematic history. Towards the end of the film, Lloyd holds his boombox over his head and blasts Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” into Diane’s window. Diane tosses in her bed contemplatively as the song blares, while Lloyd is almost statuesque in his action. He does not move as he holds the large boombox, if anything he lifts it higher so as to give Diane a better chance of hearing him. This modern serenade is the moment that it is clear that Lloyd is determined to get Diane back. It is also the moment that everyone who has seen the film can remember precisely. It is so famous because it is a true realistic grand gesture that reinforces the notion that real love must be proven. Whether it be consciously or subconsciously, this moment registered for all members of the audience as the moment that the film comes full circle. The couple was finally getting back together and our hearts could once again be still because we had the satisfaction from a romantic comedy that we are so accustomed to. While the boombox scene is the most famous gesture of the movie, Lloyd had a few more significant gestures throughout the film that are important to unpack. 

Lloyd Dobler is the perfect  balance of sweet, funny, and optimistic. He has a masculine energy as well but does not come off as a typical teenage boy. At first I was not supportive of Lloyd and Diane’s relationship. I had doubts that it would work considering their differences. She was raised to put school and success over social life, while Lloyd seemed to put friends and passions before school. They were complete opposites in my book. However, all of these things changed during his first romantic gesture: when he first decided to call Diane. You could see he was nervous when he dialed the phone, but he was determined to speak with her. When her father answered the phone, Lloyd was a gentleman and spoke to him while he continued to compliment Diane. He was persistent with Diane when he finally got a chance to speak with her. Diane was blushing as she talked to Lloyd, considering it was a surprise that anyone had called her; let alone a boy. Lloyd’s awkward confidence started to rope me in and I started to see the typical romantic comedy archetype beginning to form. Lloyd and Diane’s relationship, while unexpected, was easy. Conversation flowed easily between the two and they seemed to dive head first into each other from the moment they met. It was a typical love at first conversation moment. I gained even more respect for Lloyd when he wrote Diane the blue letter unprovoked: his second gesture. These gestures prove that he is just as thoughtful as he is funny. He knows that the only way to win Diane’s heart is to fully express how much he cares for her, and he does just that. 

 Films create culture for society. That is why Lloyd Dobler, a fictional character, causes women everywhere to expect more from their relationships. The reason women create these unrealistic expectations about real life relationships is because of the big moments that are depicted on the screen: the boombox moments. However, these moments are exactly that, designed for the movie and movie theater. Movies are not made to be realistic, however they do influence real life. After seeing the repeated romantic comedy plot pattern for so long and for so many years, it begins to manifest itself in women’s minds as a standard. People (including myself) begin to believe that if their relationship does not reflect a Hollywood film, then it is not good enough. Thus, more and more women begin to believe that an unrealistic grand romantic gesture is the only way that their partner can prove their love. 

Say Anything is the ultimate example of combining the formulaic romantic comedy plot line with an abundance of romantic gestures. This film has one of the most famous romantic gestures within the genre, one that women dream of receiving. Women only dream of receiving these large gestures as a result of the repetitive messages portrayed in romantic comedies. It is important to take what we see in films and adjust the messages to fit within our own lives. It is not realistic to treat films as reality, and as a society we must work to readjust the expectations that we set for our relationships. Personally, nothing could stop me from watching  romantic comedies, but I will be making sure to not actively look for love lessons from fictional depictions of romance from now on. I will be enjoying the romantic grand gestures depicted in films purely as entertainment, and taking life lessons from real life.

Works Cited

McDonald, Tamar Jeffers. Romantic Comedy: Boy Meets Girl Meets Genre. United Kingdom, Wallflower, 2007.

Say Anything. Directed by Cameron Crowe. Gracie Films, 1989.