Love as an Act of Obedience: How Mrs. Bennet influenced Her Daughter’s Marital Choice by Rachel

Rachel DeShone

Professor Sinowitz

TPS: Romantic Comedy 

19 March 2020

Love as an Act of Obedience: How Mrs. Bennet influenced Her Daughter’s Marital Choice

“You know I am going to marry one of them” (Austen 4) is one of the first things Mrs. Bennet, the mother of five daughters, says in the book Pride and Prejudice.  Throughout the book, Mrs. Bennet persistently stresses on her daughters to find a husband, even if it means marrying someone the daughter does not love. Mrs. Bennet is in a rush for her daughters to get married, preferably to someone of wealthier status, so her daughters have someone who can provide not only for themselves but also for Mrs. Bennet. Throughout the book, the five daughters display different personalities and characteristics. The two daughters this essay intends to focus on are Elizabeth Bennet and Lydia Bennet. Elizabeth is an independent and witty woman whose personality clashes with her mother; meanwhile, Lydia is Mrs. Bennet’s favorite daughter with her wild and flirtatious personality.

Throughout the book, Mrs. Bennet rarely has any dialogue that does not relate to the marriage of one of her daughters. Although three of the daughters, including Elizabeth and Lydia, marry someone, the reader can’t help but question whether they married the man out of love or because of the influence of the mother. Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen, portrays love as an act of obedience to fulfill the mother’s desire to marry off her daughters. Elizabeth marries out of spite of her mother’s constant nagging, while Lydia marries an ill-fitted man to fulfill her mother’s desire. 

Elizabeth enjoys disobeying and annoying her mother, which puts a strain on her relationship with her mother.  When Mrs. Bennet was in Netherfield with the Bingleys and Darcy having a conversation, Elizabeth kept making comments that “might turn her mother’s thoughts” (Austen 31). This scene is an important scene to Mrs. Bennet, because she is trying to make a good impression on the Bingleys for Jane’s sake. Elizabeth sees this as an opportunity to frustrate her mother by bringing up a touchy subject in front of wealthy guests. Elizabeth has a defiant, independent, and witty personality. Her personality allows her to mock Mrs. Bennet’s obnoxious and overbearing behavior condescendingly which makes Elizabeth Mrs. Bennet’s least favorite child. 

Although she is her mother’s least favorite child, Elizabeth is her father’s favorite, which further adds to her mother’s dissatisfaction with Elizabeth. Throughout the novel, Mr. and Mrs. Bennet do not have a loving marriage. Mr. Bennet is distant from Mrs. Bennet. Mrs. Bennet says she “will never see her [Elizabeth] again” if she refuses to marry Mr. Collins. Mr. Bennet backfires by saying “I will never see you again if you do [marry Mr. Collins]” (79). Once Mr. Bennet said this, Elizabeth smiled. This scene shows the tension between Mr. and Mrs. Bennet’s relationship. The father spends his time mocking Mrs. Bennet condescendingly and trying to spend time away from her. In this situation, Mr. Bennet defended Elizabeth instead of supporting Mrs. Bennet. Throughout the novel, Elizabeth and Mr. Bennet bond over having similar banter, which results in Elizabeth being Mr. Bennet’s favorite. Not only does Elizabeth’s personality cause a strain in her relationship with her mother, but her father’s favoritism, in an already divided relationship, further proves that Elizabeth and Mrs. Bennet are not similar.

In an already strained relationship, Elizabeth’s actions on the conquest to find a husband is all in spite of her mother. As previously proven, Elizabeth and Mrs. Bennet’s personality clashes and is opposite which causes Elizabeth to be Mrs. Bennet’s least favorite child.  When Mr. Collins asks for alone time with Elizabeth, Mrs. Bennet excitedly squeals “I am sure she can have no objection [regarding marriage]” (Austen 75). Despite Elizabeth’s plea for her family to stay, they all left. Elizabeth was aware that her mother wanted her to get married and wanted her to marry someone with money. Mr. Collins was the ideal man for one of the daughters to marry because it would allow for the Bennet family property to stay in the immediate family. Elizabeth realized by marrying Mr. Collins she would be satisfying her mother’s wishes; therefore, she chose to turn down the proposal. This caused Mrs. Bennet to get quite upset referring to Elizabeth as a “headstrong foolish girl” who “does not know her best interests” (Austen 79). This is significant in showing that Mrs. Bennet put a lot of pressure on her daughters to marry someone, no matter how ill-fit. When Mrs. Bennet vowed to never talk to Elizabeth again, Elizabeth found it as a joke when Mr. Bennet reacted to that comment. The smile across Elizabeth's face signifies her satisfaction with upsetting her mother. 

Elizabeth marries Mr. Darcy in spite of her mother’s overbearing harping to marry a suitable, wealthy man. At the beginning of the book, Mrs. Bennet tells Elizabeth that “she would not have danced with him, if I were you” (Austen 16) regarding Mr. Darcy. The italicization of “him” is used to create a disgusting connotation around Mr. Darcy. Although Mr. Darcy had just become a character in the novel, the mother is already portraying her disgust with him. Throughout the novel, Elizabeth does not like Mr. Darcy because of his arrogance, rudeness, and snobbiness. When Mr. Darcy proposed to Elizabeth the first time, she is outraged and suggests that she has “every reason in the world to think ill of” Mr. Darcy (Austen 133); however, Elizabeth marries Mr. Darcy. Elizabeth had strong feelings of disdain toward Mr. Darcy, so why would she marry him? She married him in as an act of disobedience for her mother. Her mother clarified that she strongly disliked Mr. Darcy. Despite his money and the comfortable lifestyle he would provide for Mrs. Bennet’s daughters, Mrs. Bennet never attempts to have Mr. Darcy as an option for any of her daughters; therefore proving his unsuitability in Mrs. Bennet’s eyes. Elizabeth is aware of her mother’s unfavorable opinions regarding Mr. Darcy and her mother’s constant nagging to find a husband, so Elizabeth marries Darcy to fulfill her mother's wish to find a husband but displease her mother with her choice.  

Some people may argue that Elizabeth married Darcy because she loved him-not despite her mother. This argument is supported in the scene when Elizabeth tells Jane of her engagement and confesses her love for him (Austen 253-245). Perhaps Elizabeth saw the compassionate side of Mr. Darcy, such as when the maid complimented his kindness at Pemberley or when he paid Wickham to marry Lydia. Although these are valid arguments, I still hold that Elizabeth married Mr. Darcy despite her mother. When Elizabeth was confessing her love to Jane, Elizabeth states that she realized she loved him when she first saw “his beautiful grounds at Pemberley” (Austen 254). Elizabeth realized she loved him when she saw his house, not when she realized the compassionate side of him. Lady Catherine was unsatisfied with the potential engagement of Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth calling Elizabeth “unreasonable” and “selfish” (Austen 242). Lady Catherine is in the highest social class of society; therefore, her opinion of the family is valuable in society.  By marrying Mr. Darcy, Lady Catherine will further look down upon the Bennet family. Although Mrs. Bennet approved and was quite thrilled that Elizabeth was marrying Mr. Darcy (Austen 255-256), she only approved for material reasons, not because she actually liked Mr. Darcy. In the previous scene, Mrs. Bennet regarded Mr. Darcy as a “disagreeable man” (255). Elizabeth is marrying Darcy because he provides a comfortable lifestyle for her and is someone her mother does not like personality-wise. 

On the contrary, Lydia, the youngest daughter, can do no wrong in her mother’s opinion, which causes her to make an ill-fitted choice for marriage. Lydia, a 16-year-old girl, is described as having “high animal spirits,” a flirtatious and careless personality, and is a “favorite with her mother” (Austen 33). Mrs. Bennet “had brought [Lydia] into public at an early age” (Austen 32) meaning that Lydia was brought to balls before the formal age. This exposure helped usher her flirtatious maturity along with her mother’s constant nagging to get married. Throughout the novel, the reader can tell that Lydia is her mother’s favorite. When Mr. Bingley first came to town, Mrs. Bennet suggested he danced with Lydia at the ball. When Mr. Collins said he would propose to Elizabeth, Mrs. Bennet suggested that he propose to Lydia, not Elizabeth. Lydia, like Mrs. Bennet, enjoys socializing and flirting with men. Their similar personalities and desires for men make Lydia Mrs. Bennet’s favorite.

Lydia’s exposure to men at such a young age and the influence of her mother causes Lydia to make a rash decision in deciding to marry Wickham. In the beginning, Wickham appears charming and has a way of turning Elizabeth away from Mr. Darcy; however, Elizabeth later finds out that Wickham is an addicted gambler with a lot of debt and has had love affairs. The Bennet family believes Lydia and Wickham had intercourse before marriage which would ruin Lydia and her family’s reputation; the only way to ensure the family’s reputation is not ruined is to comply with Wickham’s request for money to marry Lydia. Mr. Bennet is quite upset at this news but realizes he must pay to save his family’s reputation. On the contrary, Mrs. Bennet’s “joy burst forth” (Austen 207) when she heard the news of Lydia being married. Lydia puts a strain on the whole family and is entering a marriage based on deceit, yet Mrs. Bennet is delighted by the news. Mrs. Bennet does not reprimand Lydia for her actions. It is important to note that Lydia was the first of her sisters to marry, and she is also the youngest. Being 16 years old, Lydia still had at least 4 years until it became crucial that she marry someone, yet she marries the first man she can. As her mom’s favorite, Lydia wanted to fulfill her mother’s request that her daughters marry. She felt pressure from her mother to marry and to maintain her favorite status Lydia marries Wickham to satisfy her mother. Mrs. Bennet’s influence blinds her from Wickham’s flaws.

In the book Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen portrays love through the daughters as obedience to their mother. Elizabeth, a strong-willed and independent character, was tired of her mother nagging for her and her sisters to marry. She knew that her mother did not like Mr. Darcy as a person. She married him because her mother does not approve of his personality-Mrs. Bennet only approves of him for his money. Elizabeth was the last of Jane and Lydia to marry. Once they were married, Mrs. Bennet would have focused her attention on Elizabeth getting married; therefore, Elizabeth marries Mr. Darcy, so her mother would not have the opportunity to pressure her into marriage. On the contrary, Lydia is quick to marry in order to please her mother. Lydia, a flirtatious girl, knows that she is her mother’s favorite; therefore, she does not want to disappoint her mother. Lydia marries an ill-fit man but is the first child to fulfill her mother’s task of getting married and remains the favorite. This shows that she was quick to marry to appease her mother. It is important to understand the book from this perspective, because it leaves the audience not only questioning whether the daughters married for love or money but if they married for their mother.

Works Cited

Austen, Jane. Pride and Prejudice . Open Road , 2016.